Have you ever said something to your child and immediately felt like an idiot? Maybe you said something that was obvious, overly cautious, or maybe just not necessary. For example, parents often think everything their child does is disrespectful. As a child psychologist and researcher, I have worked with many families on the ways of thinking that help parents build trust with their children. Some parents struggle to get through the teen years because they have lost trust in their teens. Other parents work because they are so distrustful that they micromanage every aspect of their teens’ lives. This blog post will help you to discover why parents think everything their kids do is disrespectful and how you can regain trust and build a healthy relationship again.
Why Do Parents Think Everything Is Disrespectful?
Communication Has Changed
It is important to remember that just because we see the world in a different way than our parents did, that does not make it worse or better. It makes it different. But the differences make communication between parents and their children an issue. You probably grew up in a world where communication was done mostly in person, at the dinner table, or in the car. Your parents probably didn’t have a full awareness of what was said online. But this is not the same for your parents. They came up in a world where online communication was not just a thing, it was the thing. People talked about everything online—and, sadly, sometimes behaved very badly, especially when anonymity was involved. This means that parents have a much different awareness of what communication looks like than you do.
Everything Is Sexist
Gender equality has been a major topic of discussion in the last few years. Unfortunately, this discussion has taken a major turn toward the negative. Everything is considered sexist these days—and parents are quick to call out any behavior they think is sexist. Parents are more aware of micro-aggressions and the effects they have on women and other minority groups. This means that parents are more likely to see micro-aggressions as normal and not something to be ignored. This is especially true for parents who grew up in the 70s and 80s when gender equality was not a major topic of discussion.
There Are New Rules For Behaving In Public
Parents expect their kids to behave in the same way they did. But the world has shifted, and the way we behave in public has, too. Parents from the 70s and 80s had to deal with seatbelt laws, smoking bans, and maybe a dress code at school. But today, parents also have to deal with a whole new set of rules, and it can be overwhelming for them. While you may be used to using your phone on the go, your parents’ generation may not have even owned a phone. But now, they have to deal with seeing the world through your eyes and learning all the things they did not have to deal with in their day. This can lead to parents expecting their children to behave in a way they did not have to behave when they were in grade school.
It’s Crazy Out There Online
Parents have gotten used to their kids using technology. But they have not gotten used to their kids using technology in potentially dangerous ways. Parents have seen all the negative things that happen online and have watched their kids be impacted by it. Parents are more aware of how their kids act online and what is happening in the world of online dating and websites like YouTube or Facebook. Parents are aware of how easy it is for people to pretend to be someone they are not online. Parents do not want to see their kids hurt by online interactions, so they try to protect their kids from dangerous behavior online. This can sometimes include banning or monitoring certain websites or apps.
Kids Aren’t Respecting Elders Or Adults
Parents expect their kids to respect them and their elders. But many kids are not showing this respect in the same way they did when their parents were kids. This can be due to many things, including social media and the fact that kids are more aware of the world now. Parents are more aware of the issues that face their community—many of which they may not have been aware of when they were kids. As a result, parents now have a different standard when it comes to respecting elders than they did when they were growing up. This is especially true when it comes to racism, sexism, and LGBTQ issues. Parents are more sensitive to these issues and expect their kids to be, too.
You Have To Fight For Good Behavior
Parents may have been able to settle for average behavior when they were kids. But now, parents expect more from their kids. This is partial because of the increased awareness about equality, but it is also because technology has made it easier for kids to do things themselves. Parents may have needed to drive to the library to do research or to the store to purchase items. But now, everything can be done online, often at the touch of a button. This has made it easier for kids to do things, but it has also made it easier for kids to get themselves into trouble. Parents may have settled for average behavior when they were kids, but now they want more from their kids.
How Do Parenting Styles Impact Trust?
- Parenting styles are ways of interacting with children and have been shown through research to have an impact on the development of trust. For example, parental control or authoritarian parenting has been linked to lower levels of trust in children. Parents who are permissive and allow their teens to do whatever they want also tend to have low levels of trust in their teens. Parents who are involved and supportive tend to have high levels of trust in their teens.
- Authoritarian parents believe that there is only one right way to do things. They set high standards for their children’s behavior, but they don’t listen to their children’s opinions or ideas. These parents expect obedience and respect from their kids, but they don’t offer it in return. Authoritarian parents set very strict limits on what their kids can do, but they don’t communicate clearly about why these limits exist or how the rules will be enforced.
- Permissive parents are the opposite of authoritarian parents. They believe that their children are capable of making good choices and they will allow their kids to do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. These parents don’t set any rules for their kids and don’t expect anything from them in return. Permissive parents tend to be very indulgent and protective of their children, so they don’t give them any opportunities to learn how to deal with the challenges of life on their own.
- Authoritative parents have high expectations for both themselves and their children, but they give their kids a lot of freedom, too. They set clear rules and expectations for behavior, but they also listen carefully to what their children have to say about things that are important to them. Authoritative parents let kids know what will happen if they break the rules, but these consequences aren’t arbitrary or overly harsh. These parents want the best
How Can You Rebuild Trust With Your Child?
- Parents who have lost trust in their children can slowly work to rebuild that trust. You can do this by being gentle with your child during this process. You can’t expect things to change instantly. You have to be willing to let your child know that you trust her by showing her that you will accept her for who she is.
- You can start this process by being gentle with your child when she does something wrong. Let her know that you love her and care for her, even when she has made a mistake. Let her know that she is growing and learning.
- Let your child know that you trust her by setting the right example. Don’t micromanage her life or make her feel like she is being watched all the time.
- Let your child know that she can make mistakes and that you will be there to guide her as she grows and improves.
Conclusion
Parents who are quick to think everything their children do is disrespectful are often caught up in their own anxieties. They are trying to control their children and their surroundings because they are scared. Parents who have lost trust in their children can rebuild that trust by being gentle with their children. Let your child know that you care for her and that you are there to support her. You will have happier children and a healthier relationship with them if you let go of control and focus on gentle guidance.
